Today is a day of celebration and ceremony for two special couples in our life. The planning, primping, gathering, and an occasional groan( I'm guessing) will come to fruition and at the end of the day two new families will find their little place in this great big world.
I love weddings--spent a majority of my 20's singing for (those desperate) couples needing a wedding singer. One time a number of years ago I counted the weddings I had been honored to be involved in as a musician and it was pushing 90....It's been fun to see how music and ceremonies have evolved over the years and it is safe to say just about anything goes in today's world of weddings. I love this.
Our spring mail is combination of graduations announcements, wedding invites, and "Save the Dates"....the beautiful pictures, invitation designs, and instructions how and where to respond to these wonderful events are welcomed mail.We truly love hearing from former students/athletes and being included in these events is a blessing. Now, to be perfectly honest, it also becomes a bit overwhelming---one of my famous moves was pulling up to an empty McIntosh, SD gymnasium in 2010 to attend a graduation that had occurred the previous day. (Sorry Courtney!) RSVP cards and web-based invites are not always tended to as promptly as they should be. Yes, I'm that girl. I'm not proud--just honest. Organizing the dates, receptions, in amidst our summer sports schedules often finds me a bit confused..some may say "clueless"!
I read something on the internet the other day that hit home with me. It was a teenage girl talking about the fact that now that her brother had died, did she still say she had a brother? I connected instantly. I have had people ask how many children I have and I always say two. I remember someone asking me this soon after Tate died. Scott was with me and his eyes darted over to me and I responded, "I have two boys." This is not a lie. I am the mother of two boys, it's just that one doesn't live with me anymore. Questions like this and those little RSVP cards asking how many will be attending are a gut-punching reminder that we are now a party of three.
I remember signing that first card after Tate died. Instead my usual "Love, Mark, Lynn, Tate, and Scott" and sat there paralyzed and finally scribbled "The Senftners". It was like I was trying to trick myself into thinking that if I didn't write our names individually, it would make Tate's absence less apparent. Nice try, Lynn.
I knew today would come. And by today, I mean a day that Tate's absence will be magnified for me. He is missed every single day, but there are days the loss seems a bit bigger, the empty chair a bit more obvious, and the memory of his smile and laugh more unbearable. These days can be holidays or the most mundane events, but they sneak up on me and grab a hold of that empty spot in my heart. Today is not one of those days. It has been ever present on my mind since Hayden and Carly announced their wedding day.
We moved to Onida ten years ago this summer, but the friendship began that April day when we came for Mark's interview. Hayden, Tate and Scott spent the morning playing basketball and the rest as they say, is history. A history of love, companionship, an occasional fight,hours of travels for sports (and trips north to visit girlfriends), practices, laughter, sarcasm, homework, and texts that spanned the all too short eight year friendship. Tate was instantly accepted by Hayden's posse of friends and the circle grew--wonderful, spirited young men and women, who made Tate's life rich and wonderful and crazy. Together they enjoyed sports seasons, Alfredo Fridays, Grandma Alice's pudding and Cool Whip, road trips, the pontoon, Thursday's chicken fried steak at Kroeplin, movies, Sunday afternoon football games, visits with Grandpa Ben, and strings of texts messages that I know brought smiles and much laughter (woven in among the inappropriate language and comments I am sure those group messages included. ) Tate and Hayden gave speeches together, danced in pep rallies in ballerina costumes, spent hours on the field together running routes and catching and throwing passes, and were easily each other's best audience. There were tough times too--the pace of life and changes with relationships brought tension, but there always seemed to be that bond. Like any relationship over a period of time, it had a few bumps, but it was solid....and a part of who they were.
In a few hours, Hayden will walk down the aisle to marry the girl of his dreams. They have begun to create an neat little life here in Onida and we are thankful we get to watch their dreams come true and watch their daughter Taytum (Tate's little namesake) grow into a beautiful young lady. And we are honored to be sharing in part of the ceremony as host and hostess.....We have been setting up for the reception and battling the wind, heat and tulle, and deep in my heart I am happy for this day. Seeing Tate's friends enjoying each other's company last night at rehearsal was a combination of joy and sadness--like many things are since his death. I know they have not been together for quite awhile and this time is a precious commodity. Soon job obligations, children, and miles will part these amazing friends and a night like last evening will be a treasured memory. I will not lie--it is difficult to see these wonderful humans. Their hugs and smiles and keeping in touch with us mean the world to our family, for as all parents know, your kids' friends are a big part of your life too. I will shed some tears today for everything Tate is missing--I do not mean for it to damper the joy this day will bring for them, but just because we know this wedding would have also brought Tate joy. He loved Hayden and would want him to be happy. And he is....:) We know Tate should be here too--laughing, toasting, poking fun, dancing (well, he was his father's son, so maybe not dancing) and celebrating this weekend with Hayden and Carly. But he is not....
And the reality is that we are now a party of three.
