Memories of Mel

 

There are some people who just radiate joy.  They enter a room, and everything becomes brighter and better.  Their smile, infectious giggle and genuine interest in seeing you lifts your spirit and makes you feel safe and secure.  These people are rarities in today’s struggling world, so when you are lucky enough to find one, you need to appreciate any time you get to spend with these amazing humans. 

Mel was one of these people.  The forever cheerleader for those of us blessed enough to know her. 

Mel and I married cousins.  Ironically, they are both named Mark—Hackett and Senftner.  Their moms were Keller sisters and obviously had the same taste in first names.  I would be lying if I didn’t admit that sometimes both Mel and I blamed any oddities in our families on those “Keller” boys we married.  If our kids did something dumb or something we didn’t agree with, we would shoot a text and blame it on the “Keller” in them.  There is no proof of any of this….we each had our own crazy on our respective family trees, but we just found comfort in blaming the other side.  It was our joke and something we giggled about in late night texts. 

I knew Mel from afar when Mark and I first married.  Mark Senftner liked to stop and visit his Aunt Betty whenever we were in Ft. Pierre.  Spending summer days in Ft. Pierre being spoiled by his Aunt Betty and Aunt Janice, are fond recollections for Senftner.  Days filled with cousins, pickup ball games, and candy and pop are some favorite summer memories for him.   Gracious, welcoming hosts, Jim and Betty always made us feel welcome.  The visits were long and filled with sports talk,(lots of Buffalo vs Gorillas football)  laughter, and always a delicious meal.  We spent hours on the huge woven sectional where there was always room for one more.  Mark and Mel were busy playing softball, establishing their careers, and raising daughter number one—Lyndsey.  We always enjoyed getting to see them, but it was often hit and miss.  But we always enjoyed our time together when we happened to cross paths. 

There are stories about Mel’s genuine spirit and vibrant personality as a young athlete.  Her smile and skill adorned the sidelines as a DWU cheerleader.  Her rodeo career gave her the opportunity to promote and share her love of horses and rodeo.  She was an excellent softball player—competitive, determined, and a teammate you wanted to have on your roster.  If Mel was going to do something, she was going to do it to the best of her ability.  She worked hard.  She cheered loud.  She made everything better with her hard work and tireless energy.  

Fast forward to what seems like a few years ago, in all reality was more than a few years ago.   In the Fall of 2008, Team Hackett moved to Onida and Taylor became a Sully Buttes Charger.  Mel became the unofficial pep club for everyone and everything SBHS. If our ABO kids were competing, Mark and Mel were there supporting them in all kinds of events.  Like the postman (or the FedEx guy), they delivered support and cheer no matter the weather! They were fixtures in the bleachers at home and away games of all ages.  Mel loved seeing kids compete and loved to compliment effort and hustle.

It was during this time that Mel and I became better acquainted. We shared game day emails and good luck texts.  We discussed nerves and the local sports pages.   We both spent our nights and weekends at the games.  The one thing I truly I loved was watching her watch Taylor compete.  Her intense love of both the player and the game was a blessing to witness.  She was just so proud of both of her girls.  Mel treated my boys like they were her own—and even after some of their subpar performances both Tate and Scott could always count on a pep talk from Mel.  The eternal optimist wearing her purple and gold lenses….she loved cheering for the Chargers.  I think Tate could’ve had 22 turnovers and Scott 8 interceptions and Mel would’ve found something positive to share with our boys.  They were so lucky to have her cheering them on in their careers.

Taylor’s graduation brought the end of Team Hackett living in the 57564.  But Mel’s love of Charger sports and Sully Buttes kids didn’t end with the return to the Fort (as she affectionally called it.)   Our texts became more about what our kids were up to and how much we missed our bleacher days.  Soon photos of Miss Myken Ann filled my phone and wonderful, hilarious stories of how quickly little Miss Myken had wrapped Papa Mark around her sweet little fingers.   I loved receiving these texts.  Now I will treasure them. Always.

Mel faced and defeated her illness with as much grace, guts, and grit as anyone I know.  She bravely completed treatments.  Never complaining and always complimenting how nice her nurses were and how it was going “fine” (even when it wasn’t).  It would have been easy to be down—she had every reason to be furious with the hand she had been dealt.  But that wasn’t Mel.  She was full on cheerleader for the rest of us worrying about her. 

Hearing the news of Mel’s unexpected, untimely death Friday morning was incredibly hard.  The shock of this news rumbled through both Onida and the Pierre/Ft. Pierre communities.   This past weekend I went through and read all the emails we shared.  I’ve read and reread the texts—both laughing and crying.   I’ve read the many written tributes others have shared about the impact Mel’s attitude and life made on them.  I pray I never forget the sound of her giggle or the cheer in her voice when she greeted you with the huge smile.   I’m so glad we enjoyed a fun evening together at Mark’s birthday party in April. 

And to those of us blessed enough to know Mel, I hope we remember to carry on her joyful, kind spirit.  May we all continue to keep cheering on those around us.  Take time to notice the little things. Applaud effort and hustle.   Spread joy and love and radiate the positive things we see.  Ever the optimist, Mel made things better with her attitude and the sharing of the good she saw in others.  We need to carry on her pep club duties as best we can.  We owe her that. 

I’m so glad we both married those “Keller boys”….I can’t imagine not having you in my memories.  Fly high, Mel.  You will be so missed. 

 

 

30 for 30--Happy 30th Birthday Tate Benjamin

 

In a perfect world, today we would be celebrating all things Tate.    But as we are reminded daily, in so many ways, it is not a perfect world, and Tate is not here.  Thirty years ago today, after the world’s longest pregnancy, Tate Benjamin Senftner made his long-awaited presence. This day brings a whirlwind of sadness, fond memories, and regrettably, an empty feeling of all the things that he’s missed.  The things that we’ve missed…Today is difficult day. 

To say Tate was a sports crazed fanatic is an understatement.  He simply loved everything about athletics and competing.   I have written often of the notebook pages filled with brackets, formations, plays, potential match ups, Final Four stats, playoff power points, and of course, original plays he would draw up. In a tote in the basement, one of the things we treasure are his Wolves Football notes.  Pages and pages of scout plans and potential game situations.   I know just enough to know an enormous amount of time goes into preparing for games each week—at every level, but especially the college level.  I can decipher a few plays, but it is pretty much like me reading Italian. ( I’m Czech and Irish)  But I love to look at it.  Just seeing his neat, precise handwriting, I smile at the happiness all these symbols and X’s and O’s brought him.  Even as little boy, he loved to write things down.   Color a picture?  Of heck no. He hated coloring.   But making lists and writing things down was something he greatly enjoyed. Tate was drawn to watching scouting film with his dad, or sometimes riding along with Mark if the games were close enough to get home at a reasonable time.  As he got older, he liked to discuss and debate with his dad about various defensive and offensive strategies.  They were often on the same page, but not always. 

ESPN (one of 3 channels our television is acclimated to landing on most days) produced an incredible series starting sometime around 2007 I believe.  Tate loved watching these in-depth episodes about various sports figures and historical events told from the athlete’s point of view.   There were shows about rivalries and big games.  Episodes exposing scandals and behind the scenes happenings in sports history.   Even as little boy, Tate wasn’t into many cartoon characters.  He liked Rugrats and some Power Ranger action now and then, but animated movies and shows were not his thing.  He loved shows with real people.  (Barney was one of his favorites! ) He was drawn to history as he grew older and loved newspapers and sports magazines.  Facts, statistics, and biographies of sports figures intrigued him. 30 for 30 was right up his alley.  I can only imagine how much he would have LOVED the Michael Jordan series “The Last Dance”.

As humans we all have stories to share.  There is a 30 for 30 episode that exists in all of us.  Conquering a fear, surviving unimaginable events, the simple joy of our day to day lives, living through challenges, new jobs, broken dreams, and amazing celebrations—all a story waiting to be shared.  There are sad stories too—of loss, illness, disappointments.   Not all the 30 for 30 episodes were feel good stories, but all gave the viewers an inside look at humanity.  And mistakes.  And losses. And victories.  And life.  Regrettably, Tate’s 30 for 30 would more than likely focus on his death.   He was so much more than the manner in which he died, but regrettably, many will only remember his heartbreaking decision. And I hate that.    A kind, beautiful young man struggling with life all while hiding behind a beautiful smile.  Tate’s decision will never make sense, but it does not change anything about the life we were honored in sharing with him.  To know he would be 30 today hurts. To think back on everything he’s missed—good and bad—is numbing.  To have been given the great gift of being his mother is one of my life’s greatest blessing.  I miss his earthly presence every second of every day.

So, on this difficult day, I am going to choose to think of all the joy Tate brought to our lives—his laugh, his welcoming smile, the competitive drive that introduced him to so many amazing people, coaches, and places, his kind heart, and his kind soul.  Tate had an incredible gift of meeting and greeting others—his welcoming nature helped him gather many friends in his short life.   His story, while entirely too short, will be forever shared by those that loved him most. If you are reading this, I hope you knew him.    We probably each have something we remember that would add to the fabric of his 30 for 30 episode.  Some funny events, some frustrating ones, but hopefully he left something with you that you will never forget. 

If you stumbled upon this, never forget—The world needs YOU.  You are someone’s entire world.  Reach out and let someone know you are hurting.  I assure you people truly care.  We need you here. 

PS  And Coach K…….let’s get this done this weekend.  GO DUKE!!!! (Tate and I watched his first Final Four in the hospital in 1992!   I like to think he was born to be a Duke fan.  His dad and brother, not so much.  )