30 for 30--Happy 30th Birthday Tate Benjamin

 

In a perfect world, today we would be celebrating all things Tate.    But as we are reminded daily, in so many ways, it is not a perfect world, and Tate is not here.  Thirty years ago today, after the world’s longest pregnancy, Tate Benjamin Senftner made his long-awaited presence. This day brings a whirlwind of sadness, fond memories, and regrettably, an empty feeling of all the things that he’s missed.  The things that we’ve missed…Today is difficult day. 

To say Tate was a sports crazed fanatic is an understatement.  He simply loved everything about athletics and competing.   I have written often of the notebook pages filled with brackets, formations, plays, potential match ups, Final Four stats, playoff power points, and of course, original plays he would draw up. In a tote in the basement, one of the things we treasure are his Wolves Football notes.  Pages and pages of scout plans and potential game situations.   I know just enough to know an enormous amount of time goes into preparing for games each week—at every level, but especially the college level.  I can decipher a few plays, but it is pretty much like me reading Italian. ( I’m Czech and Irish)  But I love to look at it.  Just seeing his neat, precise handwriting, I smile at the happiness all these symbols and X’s and O’s brought him.  Even as little boy, he loved to write things down.   Color a picture?  Of heck no. He hated coloring.   But making lists and writing things down was something he greatly enjoyed. Tate was drawn to watching scouting film with his dad, or sometimes riding along with Mark if the games were close enough to get home at a reasonable time.  As he got older, he liked to discuss and debate with his dad about various defensive and offensive strategies.  They were often on the same page, but not always. 

ESPN (one of 3 channels our television is acclimated to landing on most days) produced an incredible series starting sometime around 2007 I believe.  Tate loved watching these in-depth episodes about various sports figures and historical events told from the athlete’s point of view.   There were shows about rivalries and big games.  Episodes exposing scandals and behind the scenes happenings in sports history.   Even as little boy, Tate wasn’t into many cartoon characters.  He liked Rugrats and some Power Ranger action now and then, but animated movies and shows were not his thing.  He loved shows with real people.  (Barney was one of his favorites! ) He was drawn to history as he grew older and loved newspapers and sports magazines.  Facts, statistics, and biographies of sports figures intrigued him. 30 for 30 was right up his alley.  I can only imagine how much he would have LOVED the Michael Jordan series “The Last Dance”.

As humans we all have stories to share.  There is a 30 for 30 episode that exists in all of us.  Conquering a fear, surviving unimaginable events, the simple joy of our day to day lives, living through challenges, new jobs, broken dreams, and amazing celebrations—all a story waiting to be shared.  There are sad stories too—of loss, illness, disappointments.   Not all the 30 for 30 episodes were feel good stories, but all gave the viewers an inside look at humanity.  And mistakes.  And losses. And victories.  And life.  Regrettably, Tate’s 30 for 30 would more than likely focus on his death.   He was so much more than the manner in which he died, but regrettably, many will only remember his heartbreaking decision. And I hate that.    A kind, beautiful young man struggling with life all while hiding behind a beautiful smile.  Tate’s decision will never make sense, but it does not change anything about the life we were honored in sharing with him.  To know he would be 30 today hurts. To think back on everything he’s missed—good and bad—is numbing.  To have been given the great gift of being his mother is one of my life’s greatest blessing.  I miss his earthly presence every second of every day.

So, on this difficult day, I am going to choose to think of all the joy Tate brought to our lives—his laugh, his welcoming smile, the competitive drive that introduced him to so many amazing people, coaches, and places, his kind heart, and his kind soul.  Tate had an incredible gift of meeting and greeting others—his welcoming nature helped him gather many friends in his short life.   His story, while entirely too short, will be forever shared by those that loved him most. If you are reading this, I hope you knew him.    We probably each have something we remember that would add to the fabric of his 30 for 30 episode.  Some funny events, some frustrating ones, but hopefully he left something with you that you will never forget. 

If you stumbled upon this, never forget—The world needs YOU.  You are someone’s entire world.  Reach out and let someone know you are hurting.  I assure you people truly care.  We need you here. 

PS  And Coach K…….let’s get this done this weekend.  GO DUKE!!!! (Tate and I watched his first Final Four in the hospital in 1992!   I like to think he was born to be a Duke fan.  His dad and brother, not so much.  )