Thanks Coach

    

          A few weeks ago I received a text from a friend telling me some very sad news.  It was right before my classes started and I looked to down to read the message.  It stopped me in my tracks and some tears started forming in tired eyes.  The bell was about to ring, so  I put my phone in the bag and headed down to class ready to channel the energy entering the room. Concert season is upon us and when you’re a music teacher (Technically a music minor with a teaching degree…) you have to make use of every second you get with kids.   We sang Christmas songs in preparation for our big night and despite the joy coming from these young musicians, I could not get the text and nor its message out of my mind. 

       As the day went on, my phone continued to buzz with text messages from people sharing this news.  It was being shared on Twitter, and Facebook, and the newspaper websites with a variety of emojis depending on how you felt about the news.  As I watched this story make its way through the social media realm, it continued to bother me immensely--both as a coaching spouse and as someone who greatly admired this guy.  I spent my lunch hour combing through Twitter and responding to folks who were as shocked and saddened as I was by the news that had resonated from the Barnett Center this morning….There was going to be a new football coach at Northern. 

      Tate first met Coach Tom Dosch his senior year sometime in February 2011.  He and his dad took a trip up to campus and were invited to meet with Coach Dosch about a chance to walk on with Wolves Football.  He was not heavily recruited, but Coach Dosch had invited him up to campus and Tate was interested in seeing what he had to say.  He had already planned on going to NSU to study banking and was starting to look at scholarship opportunities and all the things that go with enrolling in college, so this was a perfect chance to line some of these things up for the coming fall.   I look back now and just shake my head.  We were clueless about many of the processes and things that needed to be done. 

            They returned home and I asked how things went.  Both of my guys said it went fine.  They had offered him a chance to come walk on and join the Wolves and he was going to do so.  Tate told me he liked Coach Dosch and that he was very friendly and had a really deep voice.  I was getting no information and it was driving me crazy.  I asked Mark how it went and he said, “Fine. If he wants to try to play, they will let him.  It’s up to him.”  So much for a delightful, detailed description of their day on campus.  Both of them had practice that afternoon, so the trip was quick.  They had no time for my questions or my concerns.  #BoyMomReality

            During March Madness, the Chargers were fortunate enough to earn a berth in the State B Tournament held in Aberdeen at the beautiful Barnett Center.  Tate’s team went on to knock off the undefeated, top-seeded team in the opening round.  This will always be one of my favorite games and memories of Tate’s short life.  I still remember sitting there watching all of this unfold and how excited we were.  (Conversely, I do NOT remember a lot of the rest of the evening/early morning though for if there is one thing we Charger fans enjoy, it is a state tournament in Aberdeen or Huron. J )  While we were heading down to the court level, giddy with excitement about our huge win, I looked over saw Mark ahead of me talking to a gentleman wearing an NSU polo.   When I caught up to Mark, I asked him who the gentleman was he had been talking to and he told me it was Coach Dosch.  My first official TD sighting…

          The “six degrees of separation” thing is so very true in the Midwest.  You start visiting with someone and they know someone that you know, or they work with someone you know, or your cousin lives right next door to them, and instantly you have this connection.  Well it was no different with Coach Dosch for Tate.  His best friend’s mom  was Coach Dosch’s sister’s best friend growing up in Strasburg, ND—birthplace of Lawrence Welk, home to the Blue Room, and a beautiful Catholic church to name a few things the strong German community boasts.   She knew both Coach Dosch and his family very well like so many of us do in small towns. When Tina spoke of Coach Dosch she referred to him as “Tommy” just like she had growing up.   This used to send Tate over the top—a combination of laughter and exasperation.   He once told me there would never be a day that he would look at that guy and think his name was “Tommy”.  Then he’d start laughing—that beautiful giggle and smile, shaking his head while he imagined himself ever calling him anything but Coach.      Tate usually had a strong sense of respecting authority—not all the time because no kid is perfect—but even then, before really getting to know Coach Dosch, he respected both his position and his presence. 

         The fall camp reporting date came and the Explorer left early one August morning.  I remember everything about that morning.  We did not go up to campus right away because they were not actually moving into their assigned housing.  We were coming up later the next week, and bringing the bigger items to help him move in.    Like most college freshman, I think he was shocked at the amount of time, physicality, and effort this was going to take.  But whenever we heard from him, which was not often, (#BoyMomReality) he spoke highly of Coach Dosch and the staff.  He was meeting amazing new friends, learning a new position, and totally immersed in football—something he loved. I figured he would love the meetings because from the time he was little boy,  Tate always was drawing up plays on paper and loved scouting game tape of any kind with his dad.  He might have left with becoming a banker in mind, but I knew eventually he was going to coach. 

         Tate made his way home one Monday afternoon so he could see his little brother play in a football jamboree.  He had not been home yet so we were all very excited to have him home if only for 8 hours.   Coincidentally, earlier that week Tate had contacted me that he had been randomly audited in some NCAA D2 program and Coach Dosch had told him it was not big deal, he just had to prove where some of his local scholarship monies had come from.   I was up early that morning hoping to make him a decent breakfast before he headed back to campus for class.  I wanted to make sure I had the correct information so I emailed Coach Dosch asking him a few questions.  I had to leave for school soon, but like all organized guys, he had immediately answered my questions and assured me we were on the right path to getting the documents he needed.  I went over to the couch where Tate was waking up and relayed the message to him that everything he needed was in the folder on the table.  I assured him it was the right stuff because I had emailed Coach Dosch.  He groaned and I will never forget his comment,   “Please tell me you didn’t email Coach Dosch,” he said. I told him I did and that Coach Dosch had already emailed me back. ( I was so proud to be on top of this issue all before 7:15 am.)  Tate responded, “Really?  Moms do not email D2 football coaches.”    Oops…I had broken some cardinal rule of D2 parent communications I guess.  (And as soon as he drove off, I logged right back on and told Coach Dosch about the entire conversation!  And I have continued to email him since that day…sorry Tate. )

       Tate survived his redshirt season and seemed to be enjoying it.  Winter conditioning was another tough hurdle, but again, we heard very little complaining from him when he called.  I’m not saying he wasn’t grumbling about the early mornings and the workouts, but his roommates took the brunt of that.  We heard about the people and the teammates.  Most of his conversations were about Coach Dosch and the rest of the staff—Coach Mistro, Coach Shafer, Coach Flyger, Coach Hoskins, Coach Holinka,  Coach Tupo.  All guys he respected and admired.  

        As a Wolves football family we had the opportunity to meet these coaches and their families and these people were some of the best folks we’ve crossed paths with in our years following athletics.  If you aren’t a coach, you may not have any idea how involved and invested these coaching families are in the process of building a team.  You live the season—the wins, the losses, the recruiting miles, the early practices, the holidays that really aren’t yours because there is probably a game to prepare for—all of it.  The wives (or husbands) keep things rolling at home while their coach/spouse manage the team.  Your kids share their dad/mom with an entire community/region.  This life can be brutal.  And these folks were some of the first folks I thought of after receiving that text a few weeks ago. 

          Coach Dosch gave the eulogy at Tate’s funeral Mass.  While it meant the world to us, I think it also showed his immense leadership skills and love for his players.   They needed to hear from him that they would get through this.  He was leading his team through adversity for which there was no scout plan.  In the middle of our family’s greatest tragedy, he masterfully shared the good he had seen in Tate.  He got up in a packed gymnasium full of people and spoke eloquently about our dear boy. And we needed to hear those things.   In our grief, we were clinging to his words.  Tate would have been so incredibly proud to hear him speak about his character and abilities.  While I treasure those words, I treasure even more the fact that he had had the opportunity to be led by such a good person.  Coach Dosch is a great leader and a man oozing of integrity and kindness. He has spent his career molding and developing young men into productive, solid citizens.  And sadly, none of this matters. 

        I am not in any positon to hire or fire any coaches at my dear alma mater.  What I believe was a really poor decision for Wolves Football doesn’t matter to anyone making those decisions and I get that.  It’s not my job.  But I do question that so often these decisions are made by someone who has never coached a down, or recruited an athlete, or walked a team through a difficult season or situation.  I’m guessing those who made this decision, didn’t make it lightly, but I still think it was wrong.   All of these folks involved with Wolves Football have been on my mind constantly since that midmorning text a few weeks ago. I keep thinking of how difficult it must be to read on social media that you are being replaced.  Or to see people “liking” these tweets or comments?  That is a tall order to ask of anyone no matter how much integrity they carry.

      I wish the Wolves coaching staff the best of luck as they navigate this difficult time in their career.  I pray their families know so many are keeping them close because, they too, are on this journey.  Our family is so blessed to have crossed paths with you Dosch family.  You mean a whole lot to a whole lot of people…you won the division in our books.  Thank you for everything you have done for our family in the past six years.  There aren’t enough words to adequately thank you…but I tried.