Back in the day when my generation was preparing for college, we signed up for a dorm room and filled out a simple interest survey for the housing department on campus. The rest was, what would one say, a crapshoot? In rare cases, you may have arranged to live with a high school friend or someone you knew, but in most cases, you just took what you got. The summer after I graduated, my friends and I anxiously awaited the postcard with your roommate’s information on it. We fretted and wondered about this new mystery person we would be sharing a small space with as we embarked on this new journey. You may have made a phone call to connect and see who was bringing what, but it may have been a letter. (You young pups reading this—yes, people used to write letters. Complete with full sentences and indented paragraphs!) But I can honestly say I was not worried about who I was going to be my roommate. I was just so naïve and unprepared for this next step that my living partner was the least of my worries. I don’t really know, but I do know I was excited to meet my roommate. (My freshman year roommate was an incredible gal. I was so fortunate and was sad she left at semester time to change career plans. Well, that’s what she told me. I don’t THINK it was me? )
The
current process is not nearly as dramatic as it was in my day. There is
literally no element of surprise. The
power of cell phones and social media has connected kids like never before. It’s
pretty amazing actually. There are sites
you can sign up for to search for the perfect roommate. Before adults ruined Facebook, (I’m quoting
Tate here) there were sites you could log onto to seek out a person to live
with for the year. I guess I call that creeping, but again, I’m old and we
ruined Facebook with recipes, photos of our pets, and not fully understanding
how the platform worked. (Again, I’m quoting
Tate who was very annoyed I joined Facebook during his high school years. And
this brought me much joy as I often annoyed him with a post or two during the
week. He NEVER once hit Like..so rude.) I’m guessing Instagram is in this mix and Snapchat
and Reddit and Lord knows how many others there are out there. All I know is that you kids missed out on a
character-building lesson in my opinion. Learning to live with someone you don’t
know can be a really great lesson in acceptance and adulthood. Where is your sense of adventure peeps? Enough
of the lecture. I’m moving on to dorms.
I love dorms.
There I said it. I know my
opinion is not a popular view for many of the kids preparing for college. Everyone wants to move off campus and into apartments. I just really love dorms and the possibilities
they provide for the kids that live in them. You have an entire building of people traveling
the same journey you are. There has to
be someone in these rooms that can help you, bring out your best, or become a
new friend. There is really no way to be lonely in a dorm. And I love the opportunities they provide—especially
freshman. I know it can be challenging sometimes, but again, it’s a great life
lesson in sharing a common space and learning how to deal with adversity.
My
freshman year was spent at Augustana in Bergsaker Hall with some of the best
folks ever. After I decided to transfer
to Northern State University (Go Wolves), I made Jerde Hall my home for the next
two incredible years. I met some of the
very best folks in these small spaces. I
have written about these folks before, but the collection of friends I have in
my life from Northern has provided me with so much joy. And love.
And support. And laughter. And
tears. And did I say joy? These Sisters, as we affectionately call
ourselves, (stemming from the college house we shared called “The Convent”)
have shared many wonderful days and supported each other through some of the
most difficult days also. Most of us met
through the random match process and we cannot imagine our lives without each
other.
This
weekend Team Senftner will be celebrating two incredible couples. Zach and Sydney will be married on Friday in
Sioux Falls. Zac and Mia will tie the
knot on Saturday in Aberdeen. It’s a Zac/Zach kind of weekend. I cannot say enough good about both of these
guys, but I’m going to try. And the best
part of these young men is the fact that Scott crossed paths with these fine
gentlemen during his college career and shared many great times in the DORMS.
Taking
Scott to college was tough. Both Mark
and I were sad with the thought of an empty nest. There were jokes from friends about walking
around the house with no pants on and cereal for every meal, and we laughed,
but deep down we had no idea what we were going to do with ourselves. A large amount of time, energy and love had
been shared in our parenthood days.
But here we were, dropping Scott off at DWU to begin his freshman
year. He was checking in early for
football and his roommate Tucker, would be joining him in a few weeks when the rest
of the freshman reported for classes and orientation. Most of the other athletes had roommates but
Scott was all alone on third floor Dayton.
How would this go? We met many
other families and young men that day before we took off, but I remember
feeling so bad that Scott would be all alone at night in his room. As much as I was excited for him to
experience college and dorm life, I just had a nagging feeling about dropping him
off alone in that room.
I
don’t think it took too long before Scott had an incredible entourage joining
him at DWU. The third floor in Dayton
Hall was filled with some great guys. Really
great guys…. kids Scott had competed against and met through athletics and
other school activities. Dayton Hall was the freshman dorm and there were just
so many solid kids surrounding Scott. Soon
Tucker arrived, and Aaron, Mason, Jacob, Zach, Rory, Ty, Collin, Taner, Manny
and so many others. It was easier to
know classes were starting and he had begun to make his friend group. He wasn’t alone in the dorm room. There was comfort hearing the laughter in his
voice when we got a rare call from him in the evenings. We
heard stories about (some) of the shenanigans taking place in the dorm—the parental
version I’m guessing, because now that these young men are older, they have
shared more about the stuff that took place on 3rd floor Dayton. And yes, I laughed. And yes, I shouldn’t have been laughing. They
are the tales that will be told for years as they grow older and hopefully stay
connected. The stories will become
embellished as the years pass, because all great stories do, and they will always
bring laughter. #ItReallyWasGatorade
If
you’re lucky, your kids’ friends become a special part of your lives. We were so blessed to have gained these young
men and women in our lives. Scott’s crew
from DWU are some of the best humans we know.
I feel honored they tolerate my texts and questions and if they are sick
of me, they hide it well. Both Mark and
I loved Scott’s DWU friends, and we were so thankful for them those first few
semesters he spent in Mitchell. They have been there for Scott during some
tough days these past few years and I will forever be grateful for their
friendship.
Zach
arrived at 709 Circle Line Drive on a bitterly cold Saturday in January
2023. He was an RN and had signed a contract
with Avera as a travel nurse and his first assignment was in Gettysburg. Scott assured him he could stay at our house in
his old room. He knew I would agree to
this arrangement, and I was happy to share the “red room” with Zach if he
needed it. It was not fancy and
certainly needed some updating, but it was his if he wanted to use it. It was a 30-minute commute which out in our
area is nothing. I hoped this would work
out for him.
Frankly,
I was looking forward to having the company.
I left my home for college, left the dorms for a full house of roommates,
and two months after I graduated, I married Mark. I had never lived alone. Mark’s death, two months earlier, had lunged
me into widowhood and I’m not going to lie, I was struggling. The company, even just a few days a week, was
going to be welcomed. I promised myself
I would try not to be too overbearing or weird—but I’m guessing I was
both. His impeccable manners and
kindness hid any annoyance he had with me. He hid it well. Bless his kind, little, heart. I loved having Zach here. He worked mostly nights so he would be
pulling up to the house as I was leaving for school. Every morning, I would greet him with some
(annoying, I’m sure) comment about his long shift “saving the humans”. Jacob and Scott claim he watched more NBA
games than he did nursing, but they’re just jealous….and I told them that. Often. He
was busy and awake in the wee hours of the morning. No easy task. After Mark’s journey, there are few folks I
respect as much as nurses and the medical profession. It is a calling, and I can only imagine what a
compassionate, smart, effective nurse Zach is for his patients.
We
had a great 5 months with this arrangement. We share a love of basketball and
March Madness gave us plenty to visit about. We both
have excellent taste and love Duke. March was hard—it was always such a busy,
fun month for our family, and Mark’s absence was so very apparent. I was blessed to have someone to visit with
about all the games. ( Zach, sorry about
my 20 minute narrative about how awesome the NSIC conference is….I’m not sure
if your questions were polite or you were truly interested, but bless you. ) One afternoon while sitting at the kitchen island,
he shared his plans for his weekend trip to propose to Sydney. It makes me smile just thinking about this
conversation. I was honored that he
shared his plans with me. And I was excited just thinking of the anticipation
of the upcoming proposal. Getting the
text and picture from them was just so special.
He didn’t have to include me in any of these things, but he did. And I was so happy to be included. His genuine kindness and friendship were just
what I needed as I struggled with my new widowhood status, and for that, I will
forever be thankful. We made a pretty
good team. Or I like to think we
did. Zach wrapped up his contract in
early summer and I was sad to see him go but knew that he was off on another
adventure. I will treasure this time
forever.
Scott’s
last-minute decision to transfer to Northern brought one of the hardest nights
of my life. I think he had made up his
mind much earlier but waited to drop this on us 3 days before the second
semester was to commence. I wish I could
say how upset I was by his timing, but I cannot. I did the EXACT same thing when I transferred
to Northern from Augie. Déjà vu…I had
this coming. I had done the same thing
to my parents. He was stressed and worried we would be mad. We were not mad, just worried about how to
put this plan into action in such a short time. I’m sure I yelled a bit and overreacted. Mark calmly started planning and asked some
of the tough stuff. It all seems like
forever ago. Scott had called about
housing and Northern assured him they had a room for him at my beloved Jerde
Hall. I kept asking him about classes. A
meal plan? Financial aid? I burned a
personal day, and we trekked up to campus for the day. They assured me he would have classes, and
everything would be fine. So, on a
crisp winter January Sunday, we packed up his things and went to an afternoon new
student orientation. He seemed fine but
I knew he was going to miss his DWU friends. We were going to miss his DWU
friends. But this was going to be a good
plan B.
We
got Scott’s key and opened the familiar-looking door to a dreary, empty room.(
Jerde had not changed at all! ) The
housing people said he had a roommate.
Not sure who was supposed to be there, but there was no sign of inhabitants
in that room. This guy had either moved
out at semester or moved to a different room.
We got Scott settled as best we could and after some small talk and stern
reminders that he needed to get butt out of bed and get registered for some
classes right away Monday morning, we had to head for home. I think I heard
Senftner mumble he had a game film to watch yet when we got back. I had not felt this kind of pit in my stomach since
I left him at day care as a 6-week-old infant. We pulled away from Jerde Hall and I was
crying. I knew he had to figure this
out, but it was just so depressing. I
was up all night wondering how this would go.
Enter
Zac…..Scott knew Zac from athletics. An incredibly bright, friendly, amazing
guy, Zac had started at Northern in the fall and was doing well. Scott and Zac had competed together in track
and basketball, and Scott had stayed with the Fries family during a team camp a
few years earlier. Zac and his family were good people. I may have some of the details a bit blurry,
but as the story goes, Zac saw Scott strolling into the Den and yelled “what
are you doing here?” Scott went to the
table and joined them and explained he had transferred. And the rest, as they say, is history. By the end of the following week, Scott had
moved into a quad room in Kramer with Parker, Micah and Zac. I was so relieved. Like his DWU posse, these were solid
guys. We were so glad to hear this had
worked out. (AND that he had filled his
class schedule) He found a job at the Boys and Girls Club, He was missing his
Wesleyan friends, but things were going well. The amount of praying I did
during this month was insane.
Zac
and Scott shared “The 12” the following year. Apartment #12 close to campus. I shutter to think about the things that took
place in that apartment. Its proximity
to the popular tavern, The Zoo seemed to make it a starting and ending point (and bathroom stop) for many folks enjoying the
local nightlife. It appeared to be the warmup spot or after bar hang out. I don’t know how many people slept on the
couches or beds and quite frankly, I try not to think about it. I spent one night there on an air mattress after
a late-night trip Scott and I made to see Ed Sheehan in Fargo. I scrubbed the kitchen and bathroom the next
morning and didn’t need a tetanus shot, so there’s that. It was a neat
apartment. Hopefully it has a new door
after a late night, I Hate Winter guest “joined” the party. It was locked but the kid managed to “break
in”….#IfThoseWallsCouldTalk
The
following year, Zac and Scott landed at 1425 South Main Street….The Frieser as
they affectionally called it. The Frieser was Matt and Brandi’s investment and a
beloved address for Scott. The crew included Bo, Ashley, Micah, Scott and Zac. It was the perfect combination of people and
personalities. A quaint little house
close to campus was home for Scott for two incredible years. After Micah moved on to optometry school,
Lexi was added to the family. And they truly were a family. Bo was in charge (thankfully!) and he kept everything
going in the right direction. I’m not sure how easy this was with Scott and
Zac, but he was such a great role model for Scott. This
group quarantined together during the Covid year. They spent a ton of time together…Ashley’s
puzzles, Scott’s music, The Office, cleaning assignments, Zac and Bo having a
few brotherly disagreements, Lexi and Scott bickering like siblings…. All. Of
The. Things. I think for the most part,
it was good. Scott loved his roommates
and his life in Aberdeen. He was
surrounded by some of the best people on earth.
Mark always told his teams to surround yourself with good people—it would
be the easiest way to live a good life. The
Fries boys, Micah, Ashley and Lexi were good people. We were so thankful for these
friendships. We prayed Scott would find brother-like
friends after Tate’s death. He hit it
out of the park with Bo and Zac. And Brandi
and Matt as a “bonus” parents…well, you just couldn’t do much better than
that. I will never forget leaving Mark’s
bedside for a bit to see Bo, Zac, and Brandi standing in the ICU waiting room.
My eyes filled with tears and my heart was so full seeing these amazing humans. It was Native American Day and they had vacation
from work. It was their favorite time of
the year—hunting season. And yet, they
chose to travel 3 hours to come support Scott as we navigated this awful
situation. These guys were the bonus
brothers I prayed Scott would find after Tate’s death. And I
am forever thankful. I don’t know if
they will ever truly understand how much our family loves Team Fries.
On
Friday, the world’s greatest travel nurse will marry the (neighbor) girl of his
dreams. Zach and Sydney will celebrate wedding Mass on Friday. We will be enroute to Aberdeen for wedding
rehearsal for Zac and Mia as Scott is honored to be groomsman and I will be
doing the readings. We have been
graciously invited to join Trieber’s for their wedding rehearsal and this means
the world to us. We get to help them kick off their weekend celebration and I
look forward to seeing my old roommate. Two of the greatest guys we know, who ironically
share the same name, are sharing a wedding weekend. We are fortunate to have these fine gentlemen in our lives and
sometimes things just overlap. In a perfect
world, we get to witness both ceremonies.
We all know life isn’t perfect, but
it won’t stop us from celebrating both couples.
Happy
Wedding Weekend to Zach and Sydney and Zac and Mia. May God continue to bless your lives with the
goodness you have shared with so many folks. We treasure your presence in our lives. We
love you.
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