Wednesday, July 17, 2024

Zac and Zach...A Tale of Two (Amazing) Grooms

Back in the day when my generation was preparing for college, we signed up for a dorm room and filled out a simple interest survey for the housing department on campus.  The rest was, what would one say, a crapshoot?  In rare cases, you may have arranged to live with a high school friend or someone you knew, but in most cases, you just took what you got.   The summer after I graduated, my friends and I anxiously awaited the postcard with your roommate’s information on it.  We fretted and wondered about this new mystery person we would be sharing a small space with as we embarked on this new journey. You may have made a phone call to connect and see who was bringing what, but it may have been a letter. (You young pups reading this—yes, people used to write letters. Complete with full sentences and indented paragraphs!)  But I can honestly say I was not worried about who I was going to be my roommate.  I was just so naïve and unprepared for this next step that my living partner was the least of my worries. I don’t really know, but I do know I was excited to meet my roommate.   (My freshman year roommate was an incredible gal.  I was so fortunate and was sad she left at semester time to change career plans. Well, that’s what she told me. I don’t THINK it was me? )

 

The current process is not nearly as dramatic as it was in my day. There is literally no element of surprise.  The power of cell phones and social media has connected kids like never before. It’s pretty amazing actually.  There are sites you can sign up for to search for the perfect roommate.  Before adults ruined Facebook, (I’m quoting Tate here) there were sites you could log onto to seek out a person to live with for the year. I guess I call that creeping, but again, I’m old and we ruined Facebook with recipes, photos of our pets, and not fully understanding how the platform worked.  (Again, I’m quoting Tate who was very annoyed I joined Facebook during his high school years. And this brought me much joy as I often annoyed him with a post or two during the week.  He NEVER once hit Like..so rude.)   I’m guessing Instagram is in this mix and Snapchat and Reddit and Lord knows how many others there are out there.  All I know is that you kids missed out on a character-building lesson in my opinion. Learning to live with someone you don’t know can be a really great lesson in acceptance and adulthood.   Where is your sense of adventure peeps?   Enough of the lecture.  I’m moving on to dorms.

 

 I love dorms.  There I said it.  I know my opinion is not a popular view for many of the kids preparing for college.  Everyone wants to move off campus and into apartments.  I just really love dorms and the possibilities they provide for the kids that live in them.  You have an entire building of people traveling the same journey you are.  There has to be someone in these rooms that can help you, bring out your best, or become a new friend. There is really no way to be lonely in a dorm.  And I love the opportunities they provide—especially freshman. I know it can be challenging sometimes, but again, it’s a great life lesson in sharing a common space and learning how to deal with adversity. 

      My freshman year was spent at Augustana in Bergsaker Hall with some of the best folks ever.  After I decided to transfer to Northern State University (Go Wolves), I made Jerde Hall my home for the next two incredible years.  I met some of the very best folks in these small spaces.  I have written about these folks before, but the collection of friends I have in my life from Northern has provided me with so much joy.  And love.  And support.  And laughter. And tears.  And did I say joy?  These Sisters, as we affectionately call ourselves, (stemming from the college house we shared called “The Convent”) have shared many wonderful days and supported each other through some of the most difficult days also.  Most of us met through the random match process and we cannot imagine our lives without each other.

 

This weekend Team Senftner will be celebrating two incredible couples.  Zach and Sydney will be married on Friday in Sioux Falls.  Zac and Mia will tie the knot on Saturday in Aberdeen. It’s a Zac/Zach kind of weekend.  I cannot say enough good about both of these guys, but I’m going to try.  And the best part of these young men is the fact that Scott crossed paths with these fine gentlemen during his college career and shared many great times in the DORMS.

Taking Scott to college was tough.  Both Mark and I were sad with the thought of an empty nest.  There were jokes from friends about walking around the house with no pants on and cereal for every meal, and we laughed, but deep down we had no idea what we were going to do with ourselves.  A large amount of time, energy and love had been shared in our parenthood days.    But here we were, dropping Scott off at DWU to begin his freshman year.  He was checking in early for football and his roommate Tucker, would be joining him in a few weeks when the rest of the freshman reported for classes and orientation.  Most of the other athletes had roommates but Scott was all alone on third floor Dayton.    How would this go?  We met many other families and young men that day before we took off, but I remember feeling so bad that Scott would be all alone at night in his room.  As much as I was excited for him to experience college and dorm life, I just had a nagging feeling about dropping him off alone in that room. 

I don’t think it took too long before Scott had an incredible entourage joining him at DWU.  The third floor in Dayton Hall was filled with some great guys.  Really great guys…. kids Scott had competed against and met through athletics and other school activities. Dayton Hall was the freshman dorm and there were just so many solid kids surrounding Scott.  Soon Tucker arrived, and Aaron, Mason, Jacob, Zach, Rory, Ty, Collin, Taner, Manny and so many others.  It was easier to know classes were starting and he had begun to make his friend group.  He wasn’t alone in the dorm room.  There was comfort hearing the laughter in his voice when we got a rare call from him in the evenings.   We heard stories about (some) of the shenanigans taking place in the dorm—the parental version I’m guessing, because now that these young men are older, they have shared more about the stuff that took place on 3rd floor Dayton.   And yes, I laughed.  And yes, I shouldn’t have been laughing. They are the tales that will be told for years as they grow older and hopefully stay connected.  The stories will become embellished as the years pass, because all great stories do, and they will always bring laughter. #ItReallyWasGatorade

If you’re lucky, your kids’ friends become a special part of your lives.  We were so blessed to have gained these young men and women in our lives.  Scott’s crew from DWU are some of the best humans we know.  I feel honored they tolerate my texts and questions and if they are sick of me, they hide it well.  Both Mark and I loved Scott’s DWU friends, and we were so thankful for them those first few semesters he spent in Mitchell.   They have been there for Scott during some tough days these past few years and I will forever be grateful for their friendship. 

Zach arrived at 709 Circle Line Drive on a bitterly cold Saturday in January 2023.  He was an RN and had signed a contract with Avera as a travel nurse and his first assignment was in Gettysburg.  Scott assured him he could stay at our house in his old room.  He knew I would agree to this arrangement, and I was happy to share the “red room” with Zach if he needed it.  It was not fancy and certainly needed some updating, but it was his if he wanted to use it.  It was a 30-minute commute which out in our area is nothing.  I hoped this would work out for him.

Frankly, I was looking forward to having the company.  I left my home for college, left the dorms for a full house of roommates, and two months after I graduated, I married Mark.  I had never lived alone.  Mark’s death, two months earlier, had lunged me into widowhood and I’m not going to lie, I was struggling.  The company, even just a few days a week, was going to be welcomed.  I promised myself I would try not to be too overbearing or weird—but I’m guessing I was both.  His impeccable manners and kindness hid any annoyance he had with me. He hid it well.  Bless his kind, little, heart.  I loved having Zach here.  He worked mostly nights so he would be pulling up to the house as I was leaving for school.  Every morning, I would greet him with some (annoying, I’m sure) comment about his long shift “saving the humans”.  Jacob and Scott claim he watched more NBA games than he did nursing, but they’re just jealous….and I told them that.  Often.  He was busy and awake in the wee hours of the morning.  No easy task.  After Mark’s journey, there are few folks I respect as much as nurses and the medical profession.  It is a calling, and I can only imagine what a compassionate, smart, effective nurse Zach is for his patients.   

We had a great 5 months with this arrangement. We share a love of basketball and March Madness gave us plenty to visit about.   We both have excellent taste and love Duke. March was hard—it was always such a busy, fun month for our family, and Mark’s absence was so very apparent.  I was blessed to have someone to visit with about all the games.  ( Zach, sorry about my 20 minute narrative about how awesome the NSIC conference is….I’m not sure if your questions were polite or you were truly interested, but bless you. )  One afternoon while sitting at the kitchen island, he shared his plans for his weekend trip to propose to Sydney.  It makes me smile just thinking about this conversation.   I was honored that he shared his plans with me. And I was excited just thinking of the anticipation of the upcoming proposal.  Getting the text and picture from them was just so special.  He didn’t have to include me in any of these things, but he did.  And I was so happy to be included.   His genuine kindness and friendship were just what I needed as I struggled with my new widowhood status, and for that, I will forever be thankful.  We made a pretty good team.  Or I like to think we did.  Zach wrapped up his contract in early summer and I was sad to see him go but knew that he was off on another adventure.   I will treasure this time forever. 

Scott’s last-minute decision to transfer to Northern brought one of the hardest nights of my life.  I think he had made up his mind much earlier but waited to drop this on us 3 days before the second semester was to commence.  I wish I could say how upset I was by his timing, but I cannot.  I did the EXACT same thing when I transferred to Northern from Augie.  Déjà vu…I had this coming.  I had done the same thing to my parents.   He was stressed and worried we would be mad.  We were not mad, just worried about how to put this plan into action in such a short time.  I’m sure I yelled a bit and overreacted.  Mark calmly started planning and asked some of the tough stuff.  It all seems like forever ago.  Scott had called about housing and Northern assured him they had a room for him at my beloved Jerde Hall. I kept asking him about classes.  A meal plan? Financial aid?  I burned a personal day, and we trekked up to campus for the day.  They assured me he would have classes, and everything would be fine.   So, on a crisp winter January Sunday, we packed up his things and went to an afternoon new student orientation.  He seemed fine but I knew he was going to miss his DWU friends. We were going to miss his DWU friends.  But this was going to be a good plan B. 

 

We got Scott’s key and opened the familiar-looking door to a dreary, empty room.( Jerde had not changed at all! )   The housing people said he had a roommate.  Not sure who was supposed to be there, but there was no sign of inhabitants in that room.  This guy had either moved out at semester or moved to a different room.  We got Scott settled as best we could and after some small talk and stern reminders that he needed to get butt out of bed and get registered for some classes right away Monday morning, we had to head for home. I think I heard Senftner mumble he had a game film to watch yet when we got back.  I had not felt this kind of pit in my stomach since I left him at day care as a 6-week-old infant.  We pulled away from Jerde Hall and I was crying.  I knew he had to figure this out, but it was just so depressing.  I was up all night wondering how this would go.

Enter Zac…..Scott knew Zac from athletics. An incredibly bright, friendly, amazing guy, Zac had started at Northern in the fall and was doing well.  Scott and Zac had competed together in track and basketball, and Scott had stayed with the Fries family during a team camp a few years earlier. Zac and his family were good people.  I may have some of the details a bit blurry, but as the story goes, Zac saw Scott strolling into the Den and yelled “what are you doing here?”  Scott went to the table and joined them and explained he had transferred.  And the rest, as they say, is history.  By the end of the following week, Scott had moved into a quad room in Kramer with Parker, Micah and Zac.  I was so relieved.  Like his DWU posse, these were solid guys.  We were so glad to hear this had worked out.  (AND that he had filled his class schedule) He found a job at the Boys and Girls Club, He was missing his Wesleyan friends, but things were going well. The amount of praying I did during this month was insane. 

Zac and Scott shared “The 12” the following year. Apartment #12 close to campus.   I shutter to think about the things that took place in that apartment.  Its proximity to the popular tavern, The Zoo seemed to make it a starting and ending point  (and bathroom stop) for many folks enjoying the local nightlife. It appeared to be the warmup spot or after bar hang out.  I don’t know how many people slept on the couches or beds and quite frankly, I try not to think about it.  I spent one night there on an air mattress after a late-night trip Scott and I made to see Ed Sheehan in Fargo.  I scrubbed the kitchen and bathroom the next morning and didn’t need a tetanus shot, so there’s that. It was a neat apartment.  Hopefully it has a new door after a late night, I Hate Winter guest “joined” the party.  It was locked but the kid managed to “break in”….#IfThoseWallsCouldTalk

The following year, Zac and Scott landed at 1425 South Main Street….The Frieser as they affectionally called it. The Frieser was Matt and Brandi’s investment and a beloved address for Scott. The crew included Bo, Ashley, Micah, Scott and Zac.  It was the perfect combination of people and personalities.  A quaint little house close to campus was home for Scott for two incredible years.  After Micah moved on to optometry school, Lexi was added to the family. And they truly were a family.  Bo was in charge (thankfully!) and he kept everything going in the right direction. I’m not sure how easy this was with Scott and Zac, but he was such a great role model for Scott.   This group quarantined together during the Covid year.  They spent a ton of time together…Ashley’s puzzles, Scott’s music, The Office, cleaning assignments, Zac and Bo having a few brotherly disagreements, Lexi and Scott bickering like siblings…. All. Of The. Things.  I think for the most part, it was good.  Scott loved his roommates and his life in Aberdeen.  He was surrounded by some of the best people on earth.  Mark always told his teams to surround yourself with good people—it would be the easiest way to live a good life.  The Fries boys, Micah, Ashley and Lexi were good people.  We were so thankful for these friendships.  We prayed Scott would find brother-like friends after Tate’s death.  He hit it out of the park with Bo and Zac.  And Brandi and Matt as a “bonus” parents…well, you just couldn’t do much better than that.  I will never forget leaving Mark’s bedside for a bit to see Bo, Zac, and Brandi standing in the ICU waiting room. My eyes filled with tears and my heart was so full seeing these amazing humans.  It was Native American Day and they had vacation from work.  It was their favorite time of the year—hunting season.  And yet, they chose to travel 3 hours to come support Scott as we navigated this awful situation.  These guys were the bonus brothers I prayed Scott would find after Tate’s death.   And I am forever thankful.  I don’t know if they will ever truly understand how much our family loves Team Fries.

 

On Friday, the world’s greatest travel nurse will marry the (neighbor) girl of his dreams. Zach and Sydney will celebrate wedding Mass on Friday.  We will be enroute to Aberdeen for wedding rehearsal for Zac and Mia as Scott is honored to be groomsman and I will be doing the readings.  We have been graciously invited to join Trieber’s for their wedding rehearsal and this means the world to us. We get to help them kick off their weekend celebration and I look forward to seeing my old roommate.   Two of the greatest guys we know, who ironically share the same name, are sharing a wedding weekend.  We are fortunate to have  these fine gentlemen in our lives and sometimes things just overlap.  In a perfect world, we get to witness both ceremonies.   We all know life isn’t perfect, but it won’t stop us from celebrating both couples. 

Happy Wedding Weekend to Zach and Sydney and Zac and Mia.  May God continue to bless your lives with the goodness you have shared with so many folks.  We treasure your presence in our lives.   We love you.

 

 

 

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